The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

 

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the Store operates:

 

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

 

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.  There is, however, a catch.  You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

 

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

 

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

 

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

 

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

 

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 

 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

 

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

 

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

You know you're from California if...

Not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with you know you're from California if:

 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

 5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

 8. You can't remember . is pot illegal?

 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

 13. You can't remember . . ..is pot illegal?

 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early  to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

 19. The Terminator is your governor.

 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Headlines from the year: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

 

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

 

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

 

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).

 

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica

 

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

 

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals,

violates their civil rights.

 

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. 

(Goals officially set at 13.5 feet)

 

New federal law requires

that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

 

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

 

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.