Aunt Yvonne and Jennifer

Christmas in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

With family you'll always find conversation. It was nice to see so much happiness and kinship.

We really had a nice spread of finger foods that went over very well, especially the chicken mom made (yummy!).

It was strange with no snow though.. you see the inflatable snowmen and candycane's in people's yards but without the snow it is obvious something is missing.

Gift from Carl and Yvonne

Christmas in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

Carl is a very excellent woodworker. He gets a vision and makes it come to life.

He created this beautiful candle stand with multiple types of wood and it is beautifully done.

I love the contrast in color which brings the focus on the finish even more.

We proudly display it as a center piece on our dining room table.

Keith and Jennifer Christmas 2007

Christmas in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

We had a very nice visit with Keith and Jennifer which was a very pleasent suprise.

Lots of conversation to catch up on and Keith is always got a good story to tell to entertain us.

They are two very wonderful people which we are very happy to be a part of there lives.

Christmas in CA Opening Presents

Christmas in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

This is one of the many pictures we enjoy as we see both of them so happy and that's always good to see.

So I had to create a seperate blog entry just for the great picture. This was while Carl and Yvonne were visiting as well as Keith

Christmas in California 2007

Christmas in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

We headed off to California to spend the holidays with Julie's family (which we have never done for the actual holiday). It was very nice to see them and spend the time with them. It felt way too long since we last saw them.

It didn't take long at all for Zackary to get comfortable with his papa and gigi in California.

Zackary wore lots of smiles on his face while he was getting spoiled by his grandparents and getting away with so much that it was a culture shock when he came back home and we put an end to that.

Aquarium of the Pacific

Long Beach 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

While in California we decided to do an outing and we ended up going to the Aquarium of the Pacific and had a good time.

We watched a 3d movie (including the fashionable glasses).

We saw a lot of fish of all different sizes, shapes, and colors.

We (zackary) pet some sharks in the shark pool.

We had a good time but was happy to get going after 3 hours there. Zackary can only take so much which then turns into, we can only take so much. Good times, Good pictures and Good memories.

Zack in CA 2007

Zack in CA 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

I don't know if was the sun california gave this kid or all the excitement or the fun of riding in the Buick (because he can see really well) or maybe its the high from being spoiled so much from his grandparents but this kid was happy.

No complaints here!

Professional Picture 2007

Sept 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

Some great pictures of Zackary taken at CLA (Creative Learning Academy) by Life Touch November 2007.
A few different poses produced great results that we would like to share with you.

Hamburger and Hash brown Cassarole (serves 4)

1 can cream of mushroom
1 pd of Hamburger meat
2 cups of hash browns (I find that Potatoes O'brien work best)
1/2 onion chopped
1 cup of cheddar cheese

spray a baking dish with non-stick cooking spray and brown the meat and onion together, drain. pour in the hash browns into the baking dish and then the meat/onion mix pour on the cream of mushroom and then sprinkle on the cheese. Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes.

Biscuits and Gravy

1 lb of hamburger ($3)
milk
flour
Biscuits

Brown the hamburger

While browning the hamburger, in a separate pan, begin to boil milk and flour (how much you use depends on the amount of people you are feeding, using about 1 cup of milk and enough flour to thickin' it up feeds about 4 to 5 people full).

Then when the hamburger is done browning mix it in with the flour and milk and let thicken.

Put your biscuits in the oven cook.

Last place a few biscuits on a plate pour some gravy over it and you have a meal that should cost you no more than 6 or 7 bucks.

Chicken Mushroom Rice (Serves 4)

2 chicken breasts (bought frozen-9 for $6)-$1.33
Rice (Bag was $2, we're using 1/4)-$.50
1 Can Cream of Mushroom Soup-$.68
1 Cup Sharp Cheddar- Approx. $1.00

Slice the breasts up and fry them in a tiny amount of oil in a saucepan. When they're cooked through (and possibly even browned a bit), reduce heat, add can of mushroom soup, and let sit.

Meanwhile, cook the rice with a bit of butter and a splash of lemon juice.

Serve layered: Rice, chicken mushroom mixture, top with cheese.

Makes four generous portions at a cost of $.88 a serving.

King Ranch Casserole

~1 Package Skinless/boneless chicken
~2 Cans of Rotel
~2 Cans of cream of mushroom soup
~2 Cans of cream of chicken soup
~onion and/or bell pepper
~shredded cheese
~corn chips (about 14 oz.)

(you may want to add peas, carrots, tomatoes, mushrooms, or other ingredients...just depends on the taste and what you may already have in the refrigerator or cubbard you need to get rid of)

***Broil chicken in water on stove.
After chicken is done cooking, peel chicken in large bowl.

Mix chicken with rotel, cream of mushroom soup, cream of chicken soup, onion, (bellpepper or any other ingredients you may wish to add) in a bowl.

Spread corn chips in a baking dish, spread some broth from the chicken over the chips to moisten the chips.

Spoon on the mixture over the chips.

Spread shredded cheese over the top.

Bake for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

Goulash (Serves 4)

1/2 lb. hamburger
1 box elbow macaroni
1 1/2 to 2 cans tomato paste
garlic & onion powders
salt & pepper

Boil elbow macaroni per package instructions & drain

Meanwhile, brown hamburger in a large skillet (so you can mix everything together in it afterward. Season with a shake of garlic powder and a couple shakes of onion powder, salt and pepper to taste.)

When done, drain and add the tomato paste.

Sometimes I add a splash of water to thin the paste and mix well with the hamburger.

Add the macaroni and some more salt and pepper.

Heat a few minutes - careful not to scorch the tomato paste.

Cheap and Easy Beef Stroganoff (Serves 4)

2 breakfast (or minute) steaks (app.$1.75 at my butchers)
1 can mushroom pieces (50 cents)
1 can beef broth (50 cents)
1 can water (use beef broth can)
1 pkg. brown gravy mix (50 cents)
A shake or two of both onion and garlic powders
1/4 cup (approx.) sour cream (maybe about 50 cents)
3 cups of instant rice (make according to pkg. instr.)

Make the rice first - this dish only takes about 5-7 minutes to make.

Cut steak into thin strips, and fry in large skillet in a tiny amount of oil.

Add mushrooms (drained) and a shake or two of both onion and garlic powders. Stir around for a minute and then add the beef broth and water. Bring to a boil.

When boiling add the brown gravy mix and stir until all the lumps are gone. Reduce heat and add the sour cream. Stir until mixed, do not boil.

Serve over rice - very good and satisfying. I usually serve this with peas on the side and bread or rolls.

Garlic Clam Pasta

Ingredients

* 1 1/2 tablespoons butter
* 1 6.5oz cans chopped clams (drained, reserve the liquid for the juice below)
* 1-2 large cloves garlic, finely chopped or pressed with a garlic press
* 1 teaspoon dried oregano
* 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
* 1/3 cup clam juice (reserved from the can above)
* 1/2 of 50/50 sour cream/milk mixed together
* 1/4 cup Parmesan
* 1/2 pound spaghetti or angel hair

Directions
Cook the pasta. In a large frying pan, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Add the clams and fry for 1-2 minutes, stirring frequently. Add the garlic and fry for a minute longer, stirring frequently. Add the oregano and red pepper flakes, stir for a few seconds, and then add the clam juice. Cook until the clam juice is reduced in volume by approximately 50% (a few minutes). Add the cream, and cook (simmering) until the sauce is a good consistency to coat the pasta (a moderately-thick sauce), stirring occasionally. It usually takes 2-4 minutes for the sauce to thicken to the right consistency; check the thickness of the sauce by stirring regularly with a spoon. When ready, the sauce should be a good deal thicker than it was just after you added the cream. Once the sauce is thickened, add the parmesean. Add the drained pasta, mix well.

Tuna and Noodles

* 2 Cans Tuna (not drained)
* 1 Bag of Egg Noodles
* 2 Cans of Cream of Mushroom Soup
* About 1 C. Milk (I never measured)

Boil noodles. Drain. Put noodles back in pot. Add tuna, mushroom soup, and milk. Stir together. Cook for about 10 minutes, just enough to heat everything and you're done.

Tater Tot Casserole

I make tater tot casserole which is great as leftovers the next day.

* 1 1/2 lbs ground beef
* 1 Can Cream of Mushroom soup
* 1 C. milk
* Half a bag of Tater Tots

Brown ground beef, drain. Put back in pan with Cream of Mushroom soup and milk and heat until warm. Preheat oven 350 degrees. In a casserole dish put ground beef mixture and place Tater Tots on top until covered. Bake half an hour. Serve with vegetable and rolls for a quick and easy meal!

Lazy Day Casserole

You can use any spaghetti sauce, but we think it's best with the mushroom & ripe olive variety.

* One small box elbow macaroni (cooked)
* 3/4 pound lean ground beef
* 1 jar Classico mushroom & ripe olive spaghetti sauce
* 1 cup mozzarella cheese

Brown the beef in a large fry pan, then drain the grease. Add the spaghetti sauce and heat until bubbly. Add the cooked macaroni and stir well to combine.

Sprinkle the cheese over the top, then put the lid on and heat until the cheese melts.

Hamburger Roll-up

1 pound of Ground Beef or other ground meat **Seasonings to taste (garlic powder, salt, pepper) whatever you like
1 small onion chopped
1 frozen bread dough
1 8 oz pkg of shredded mozerella cheese or other cheese if you prefer
1 jar of brown beef gravy

Thaw frozen bread dough on a baking sheet. I usually spray with cooking oil spray as well to prevent sticking. I usually heat the oven to 100 degrees Farenheit and when it comes to temp I turn the oven off and place the dough on baking sheet in to let thaw and rise. When the dough is thawed completely, spread it over the entire baking sheet and then spread the cheese on top of the dough.

Fry the meat with the seasonings and onion. Let cool. After it cools spread the meat over the cheese. Then you will need to fold both ends up and over the mixture and then roll the dough until you have a complete roll. Slice the top a few times and spray once more with cooking oil and bake at 350 until golden brown. Slice and serve with brown gravy.

I also like to make stromboli this way or chicken with cheese and broccoli.
Enjoy with mashed potatoes and a vegtable!

Christmas at Dad's 2007

The original Hosangs 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

We spent an early Christmas at Dad's because of our trip to California for the holidays with Julie's parents.

We all had a really good time and enjoyed being with the family.

It appears everyone enjoyed there gifts and had a good time with of course lots of food.

Christmas House in Rochester 2007

House in Rochester 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

This house was a magic palace of lights. People would drive to rochester to see this house. It was very breath taking seeing it in person. They didn't just stop at the very brilliantly lite house, they extended the awesome moment to there entire yard. If a twig stood up out of the ground it had an entire strand of lights on it.

I applaud them and thank them for the feeling of amazement it gave me as I stared at it.

Christmas at mom's 2007

Christmas at mom's 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

We went to my mom's to spend a pre-Christmas with her since we were on our way to California for the holidays.

Zackary had a good time spending it with his GiGi (he can't say grandma yet).

It was a nice visit and had a very nice dinner at a restarant in Rochester that had excellent fish. They baked it with potatoe chips and every bite of it just melted in your mouth. Loved It!!

We also went and looked at this fantastic lighted home that just had a line of cars stopping and getting out of the car to take pictures it was that awsome. In fact it deserves its own Blog Post so it'll be right after this one.

MyWiseGuys L.L.C. Born

My company has now been created with the help of legalzoom.com

It wasn't an easy process because I originally was sent down the path of being a s-corp, which is way more complicated and time consuming.

Once they cancelled the order to be incorporated and I ordered the L.L.C. it went pretty quickly.  I know just need my tax id which was applied using form SS-4.

Once I receive my Tax ID from the IRS I will be able to open a bank account under the name of MyWiseGuys, apply for a business credit card and then my initial startup unsecured business loan (which I am most nervous about).

Christmas at Schultz's 2007

Christmas at Schultz's 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

No its not halloween but christmas at the schultz house. We gave Jacob an outfit to dress up in and have fun and that is what you are seeing here.

Christmas was fun as usual at the Schultz house and yes that is a Wii in the background on the T.V. and yes it was used but that is a different blog entry.

I believe the Christmas was a success all in all. Family was together and everyone appeared to have a good time and of course as always my sister Michele always puts out some nice tasting food.

Field trip to Crossroad Village 2007

Field trip to Crossroad Village 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

Zackary's Daycare took a field trip to Crossroads Village which had to be on the coldest day possible.

Zackary is on the right and Jacob J. is on the left (which is a kid that Chip and Michele volunteered to watch because his parents couldn't make it).

We first arrive on a very icy parking lot and Julie and I made it without falling once, not so much for Zackary though... he fell once or twice.

We rode a steam ran train around the park which had some christmas decorations up. I highly recommend going at night time, because the daytime you truly didn't get anything out of it.

All in all it was a nice day spent with family.

Christmas 2007

Christmas 2007
Originally uploaded by cooldjmac

Yes, it's a small tree but with us going to California it didn't feel right getting a monster tree like we normally do. Of course we did miss out on all of us going out to pick out a tree.. there is always next year.

Pasta with Garlic and Oil

Ingredients:

• 1 pound pasta
• Salt
• 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 4-6 garlic cloves, peeled & chopped
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley
• Freshly ground pepper

Pasta - The best pasta for this recipe is either a dry factory-made spagetti or very thin spaghettini because it's ability to stand up and not be overpowered by the oil-based sauce. A fresh homemade, egg based pasta would be over powered and absorb too much of the sauce.

When cooking pasta

• Figure about 4 ounces of dry pasta per person in other words a 1 pound package should yield 4 servings.
• Use plenty of water (at least 4 quarts per pound) so that it doesn't stick together.
• Add approx. 1 tablespoon of sea salt per pound of pasta. This will bring out the flavor of the pasta. When the water returns to a boil, add the pasta.
• Don't break the pasta to fit the pot, use a spoon (wooden) to bend it as it cooks.
• Stir the pasta often to prevent sticking.
• DON'T Over Cook the Pasta!
• One pound of spaghetti takes approx. 8 to 10 minutes to cook but check it frequently until it's "al dente" (firm to the bite).
• As soon as the pasta is done, drain it in a colander.
• Saucing - depending on the recipe, sometimes I plate the pasta and top it with sauce or I will combine the sauce and pasta in a bowl, mix well, and then serve. For this dish, I combine the two immediately.
• DON'T over sauce the pasta! Let the flavor of the pasta stand out.
• Adding cheese - if the recipe calls for grated cheese (this one doesn't), add some before tossing and have some extra at the table.

Salt - Used throughout the ages, the salt I prefer is sea salt. It comes from the process of evaporating seawater and is more expensive than mined salt but I think adds more depth and character to whatever you're cooking. Because we don't add any salt to this recipe, it's vital to add it to the water when we cook the pasta.

Extra Virgin Olive Oil - There is more to know about olive oil than I will ever learn in this lifetime. With so many types of olives and different growing areas, I hope to spend many enjoyable hours tasting and educating my palate. This recipe calls for Extra Virgin which is cold pressed (no use of heat or chemicals allowed) comes from the first pressing, and has a maximum Oleic Acid (bitterness) content of 1%. Virgin olive oil on the other hand comes from the 2nd or 3rd pressing with a maximum Oleic Acid content of 4%. Which oil you use depends on what you like and how deep are your pockets.

Garlic - What can I say.I love it! I grew up on garlic powder like many of you may have. But when I started cooking with real garlic, I was hooked for life. There are basically three types of garlic and which one you use will depend on taste and availability. The three are:

• American garlic, which is white skinned and has the strongest flavor.
• Italian garlic, which has mauve colored skin and is more mild flavored.
• Elephant garlic which is huge and has the mildest flavor of the three.

When choosing, look for firm heads with dry skins that feel heavy for their size. Stay away from any that are shriveled, brittle, turning yellow, or comes in a jar already cut up. For the record, after years of effort, I was finally able to persuade my folks to make the switch.

Parsley - Although there are more than 30 varieties, there are two types of parsley that I'm familar with; flat-leafed Italian parsley and curly-leafed parsley. Is there a difference in flavor? I think so. I like to cook with flat-leafed parsley and use the curly leafed to decorate my plates. And in most recipes, fresh is better than dried.

Black pepper - Comes from black peppercorns that are picked slightly unripe and dried until they shrivel. The best black peppers are know to be the Tellicherry and Lampong and have a spicy hot but sweet flavor. Note once you grind a peppercorn, it will quickly loose its aroma.

PREP WORK:

This recipe doesn't have a lot of ingredients and you will want to work fast so get the water started.

A big mistake I used to make is getting the sauce prepared and then waiting on the pasta. Ideally you want both to be ready at the same time. This takes a little practice, but after a while, it becomes second nature. If you start the water too soon, you can always add more water if it boils down. Don't forget to add salt to the water. You want to season the pasta from the inside when it absorbs the water.

Peel and chop the garlic and parsley.

HOW TO MAKE AT HOME

1. While the pasta is cooking, heat the oil and garlic over medium heat in a heavy saucepan until the garlic begins to turn pale gold. (Please, take the time to smell the cooking garlic and oil)
2. Remove the pan from the heat and add 3/4 of the parsley, salt & pepper to taste.
3. Drain the pasta and combine with the sauce in a separate bowl and toss until all the spaghetti is coated. (if I'm not entertaining, I will often use the same pot as I cooked the pasta in so I have one less pot to clean)
4. Serve onto warmed plates and use the remaining parsley to garnish and serve immediately.

Fishing Trip 2009 is a GO!

This is defined as the a true guys week.  This is a 700 miles one way trip driving directly north into deep Canada for some serious fishing.  It is a tradition amongst friends for a very long time but this will be the first time I will be able to attend so hence why there is a post on the blog over a year early.  The trip isn't until June 2009 but I am ready now, besides the lack of gear and money.

So now I have a little more then one year to prepare for the trip and collect the necessary funds to make the trip a successful one.

Money wise...

$500 (avg price for lodging for one week, including boat, gas and bait)

 $60 (gas both ways... if you have 5 more passengers and pulling a trailer)

 $30 (Canada Fishing License...  can't fish without it)

$100 (groceries and beer... yes I know its one of the same)

$113-paid (passport for the first timers... need it to go across to Canada)

$800 TOTAL (but subject to change as more is found out)

Now what supplies to bring on a fishing trip?  Checklist anyone?

From what I found on other websites this is what I have come up with so far

1. Clothes - polypropylene base layer. Fleece out layer, Gore-Tex top layer.
2. Extra Socks - polypropylene, cotton, wool, Gore-tex socks are awesome
3. 2 pairs of waterproof boots - Gore-Tex
4. Shoes for around the cabin
5. Good quality rain gear - Gore-Tex
6. Swimming Trunks
7. Flashlights and extra batteries
8. Wet/Dry bag, black garabage bags
9. Zip lock bags in a variety of sizes will work for storing just about anything. Flashlight,batteries, camera,GPS unit, shaving items, soap, shampoo, tackle etc.. They will keep items organized and dry.
10. Heavy Duty XXL Zip Lock bags or other dry bags for storage of jackets while in the boat.
11. Sandwich bags for sandwiches and for storing small items, twister tails, tackle, matches, lighters, compass, camera, lip balm, first aid kit, extra socks, etc..
12. Large Freezer bags for packaging fish, squeeze all the air out before you seal the bag. Your fish will keep better in the freezer. Eat your fish within two months for best results.

Personal Gear and Fishing accessories

1. Fishing line clippers
2. Minnow dip net
3. Landing Net
4. Bait aerator (unless your boat has live wells)
5. Oxygen tabs for minnows
6. crawler bedding
7. marker buoys
8. measuring tape and scale
9. hook remover
10. jaw spreaders
11. jig eyelet punch out
12. hand soap
13. hand towels - several
14. baby wipes
15. fillet knife
16. pocket knife and sharpner
17. mosquito repellent
18. mosquito netting
19. lip balm
20. sunglass's - two pair polarized amber color
21. sunscreen
22. hat/cap
23. gloves
24. first aid kit
25. liquid bandage
26. hook remover kit (to remove hooks from people)

Fishing Tackle and Equipment

1. Put all rods in one large rod tube to save room
2. 1-7foot heavy action bait caster
3. 1-7foot medium action bait caster
4. 1-6foot medium light action spinning
5. 1-6foot medium action spinning
6. depth finder
7. net/cradle/landing device as required
8. line clipper
9. compass
10. needle nose pliers
11. side cutters
12. pliers for removing "O" rings
13. an assortment of "O" rings

Tackle Box

1. Walleye tackle
2. 20-30lb power pro line
3. six 20lb titanium leaders 9 inch length
4. a roll of 20 lb seven strand wire (titanium preferred)
5. 100 crimping sleeves of the correct size
6. a few dozen quality swivels (this is for making stinger hooks and leaders)
7. 25 of each 1/4, 3/8 and 1/2 oz Jigs -- good colors are chartreuse, chartreuse/orange, white, yellow, black and pink.
8. 50-100 stinger hooks 2-3 inch length size 4 or 6 wire line preferred (mono will do)
9. Slip bobbers, line stoppers, beads, 1/4 oz split shot, size 4 and 6 treble and single hooks
10. lindy rigs
11. spinner minnow rigs - little joes 24" long various color blades with 1/2 and 3/4 oz sinkers
12. several hundred of each: (twister tails 2-4" chartreuse, fire tiger, yellow, white, black) (power grubs 2-4" chartreuse, fire tiger, yellow white) (fuzzie grubs chartreuse, fire tiger, yellow white)
13. floating jig heads
14. rapalas 6-0 inch, large shad raps, Rat-L Traps, Hot and Tots (clown color is excellent, silver blue, sliver chartreuse)
15. bottom bouncers 2-4oz

More items relating to whats need for pike fishing can be found here

Bunco

Here is a game that we have played with our neighbors for the past 2 years that keeps us talking during the winter months here in Michigan.

Summer time we will see each other outside and chit chat or play some cornhole.  Winter roles around and everyone goes into there hibernation chambers and you don't even know they are still alive.

So we try and find some indoor fun that keeps us from hibernating.  Originally it started out we just played cards and Julie mentioned this game and now has many neighbors addicted.

Click here for some forms that will help you.

The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

 

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the Store operates:

 

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

 

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.  There is, however, a catch.  You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

 

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

 

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

 

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

 

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

 

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" 

 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

 

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.  There are no men on this floor.  This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

 

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

You know you're from California if...

Not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with you know you're from California if:

 1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

 2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

 3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

 4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

 5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

 6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

 7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

 8. You can't remember . is pot illegal?

 9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

 10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

 11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

 12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

 13. You can't remember . . ..is pot illegal?

 14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

 15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

 16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early  to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

 17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

 18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

 19. The Terminator is your governor.

 20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Headlines from the year: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

 

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

 

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

 

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).

 

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica

 

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

 

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

 

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

 

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

 

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals,

violates their civil rights.

 

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. 

(Goals officially set at 13.5 feet)

 

New federal law requires

that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

 

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

 

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

THE BILL OF NON-RIGHTS

The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye from GA. The original
has been slightly moderated.

"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden and delusional.

we hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right! to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if many of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness.  Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language.

(lastly....)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!

A STUNNING SENIOR MOMENT!

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many

of those nearby to hear. 

"The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have

visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and," pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding...

Comments made in 1955

"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."

"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."

"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."

"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "da mn" in it.

"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas "

"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."

"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters n ow."

"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."

"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

"Thank goodness I won't live t o see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."

"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."

"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,  forget it."